Sharing

I sat down with a bowl of popcorn, and Jack came over to see what I was doing.

J: "Mom, do you like to share stuff?"

Me: "Yes." (After all, I'm trying to teach him good life lessons.)

J (eying my bowl): "Like copcorn?"

More on cheese

I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner. Caid and Jack are playing Wii.

C: "Mom!"

Me: "What?"

C: "Jack cut the cheese."

J: "No, I didn't."


30 seconds pass.

C: "Mom!"

Me: "What?"

C: "Jack cut the cheese."

J (exasperated): "No, I didn't!"

Me: "Caid, I don't want to hear it."

Another minute.

C: "Mom!"

Me: "What now, Caid?"

C: "Jack cut the cheese."

J (shrieking): "No, I didn't!!"

Me: "Caid, stop talking about cutting the cheese."

Another minute.

C: "Mom!"

C: "Mom?!!"

C: "Moooooooommmm!!!?"

Me: "What is it, Caid?"

C: "Jack cut the cheese again."

J: "No, I didn't! I don't even know how to cut cheese!!!"

The perfect body is unattainable

Jack loves to build robots. He has made his tricycle, a rocking chair, a hat, a toy camera, and more into robots. I came home yesterday, and he had turned my entire dresser into a robot. Last night before bed he wanted to make one more robot but was stressing about it. I asked Sarah to help him find a body for this robot.


S: "How about this?" 


J (sobbing): "No!" 

S: "Why not?" 


J: "Because it's not perfect!" 


S: "How about this?" 


J: "No!" 


S: "This?"

J: "No!"

(etc, etc, etc)


S: "Well, what do you want to use then?" 


J: "I DON'T KNOW!!"


And then he fell in a heap on the floor and cried. Being four is so hard.

On the way to school

Caid: "Gracie called me Katie."

Me: "It's a term of endearment."

C: "What?"

Me: "It means she loooooooooooooves you."

Gracie: "No, it doesn't"

Me: "I used to called you Caid-E when you were a baby. There's nothing wrong with that. That's what she meant."

G: "No, I didn't. I meant Katie."

C: "Mooooooooooooom."

Me: "It's okay. You can call her Greg."

C: "No. I think I'll call her Spencer."

(sounds of scuffling in the backseat)

Me: "Y'all quit it."

C: "She called me Katie again. She started it."

G: "Well, he called me Spencer."

Me: "I'm going to call you both GroundedfromplayingWiiandwatchingTV if you don't quit fighting."

Sarah: "That's a very long name."

Ewwwwww!!!!!

Kids: "MOM!!!! Come on - the movie is starting!!!"

Me: "I'll be there in a minute. I'm kissing your dad right now!"

Kids: (Barfing noises) "Groooooooooooooossssssssssssssss!"

Oh, I see how it is

Gracie's been telling us for weeks that she can't see the blackboard at school. (Blackboard? That's probably not right. Do they even have blackboards any more?) So on Tuesday she had an appointment with the optometrist.

First the nurse gave Gracie the standard "read-the-letters-on-the-chart" test. She failed miserably. Nurse probably wondered why the girl wasn't walking into walls. An 8-year-old should not be this blind.

Next she went in with the doctor, who did some other tests, dilated her eyes, etc. Something wasn't adding up. She left the room and came back with a pair of glasses. Gracie put them on and did the eye chart test thingy again.

Guess what? She read it perfectly. Amazing! Miraculous!

Guess what else? The glasses were fake. My child was trying to pull one over on us. Apparently, glasses are very fashionable, and Gracie wanted a pair.

Here she is sporting glasses with her nerd costume at Halloween.