All in the family

Jack: God and Jesus are the same person, right?

Me: Yes.

Jack: And God is the dad of Jesus, right?

Me: Right.

Jack: So does that mean we can call Jesus "God Jr?"

Wisdom about boys

Monday night I made BBQ bacon chicken with cheese, and it was a success. I told the kids that Tmid (tall man I dated) gave me the recipe. Jack said, "I think Tmid still likes you."

Me: Yeah, he does.

Jack: I knowed y'all would probably break up because you and him probably weren't made for each other.

....

Tuesday morning on the way to school I told the kids I have a date Friday. The questions began... How did you meet him? What does he look like? Gracie asked if he is man enough to wear pink and if he had to choose would he watch a movie with Channing Tatum or Ryan Gosling. That remains to be seen.

Jack: Why are you going on a date?

Me: Well, you said Tmid and I weren't made for each other so I figured I would go out with someone else.

Jack: Do you know how you can make sure a boy likes you?

Me: No, how?

Jack: You just have to laugh at everything he says and then bite your tongue.

Well played, Jack. You are wise beyond your years.

Video: Jack shakes the booty - an exercise tutorial

Video: I'm eating and I know it

Video: I'm flossing and I know it

Autographs only

Sarah: Jack, you're just so cute, can I have a hug so I can absorb your cuteness?

Jack: EWWWW...  NO YOU CAN HAVE AN AUTOGRAPH BUT NOT A HUG!!!! 

I like big butts, and I cannot lie!

Sarah (to Daniel and Jack): Do these jeans make my butt look big?

Daniel and Jack: No!

Later...

Sarah: Jack, you know it's a good thing for a girl to have a big butt?

Jack: Oh, that's good because I was lying earlier when I said your butt didn't look big.

When you have done it to the least of these...

Last night, Jack brought me a Ziploc baggie full of coins: Mom, I want to donate this money to charity.

Me: Wow, Jack that is really awesome. I'm so proud of you. What charity would you like to donate your money to?

Jack: Oh, I don't know. I guess I'll give it to the hobos. Do you know any hobos?

I don't know any hobos personally, but I told him that tomorrow I'm going to visit a place tomorrow that helps hobos and that I could give them his money. He said, "Okay, just tell them it's from Jack." Then he wrote this note to give to the hobos:

"You're welcome. Jack Ross Yeargin"

Halloween persistence

Jack: My (Halloween) bag is getting full, but I'm not going to stop until I'm satisfied.

Angry Birds

Jack: Mom, why did you take Angry Birds off your phone?

Me: Because it was taking up too much space.

Jack: But it's only one little square.

How Jack got borned

Jack: Which one do I need more? You or Dad?

Me: You need us both the same.

Jack: No, but which one do I need more?

Me: You need us exactly the same.

Jack: Well, I think I need you more because without you I couldn't have been borned.

Me: It took both me and Dad for you to get born.

Gracie: Well, it took both of them, but Mom had to do all the work.

Queens

Jack: You are the best mommy in the whole world. You are the queen of all mommies.

Me: Awww, thanks, Jackie.

Jack: Yeah, and Dad is the queen of daddies.

(And for the record, he says Sam and Louis are the king of all cousins.)

I swear we talk about more than sex at my house

Jack: I have a question.

Me: What is it?

Gracie: It better not be, "Where do babies come from?" Because if it is, the answer is Jupiter.

Jack: No it's not! Mom, where do babies come from?

Gracie: Jupiter!

Jack: No, Mom, really... where do they come from?

Me: Babies come from mommies and daddies.

Jack: But not really from daddies.

Me: Well, mommies and daddies make them, and then they live in the mommy's belly.

Jack: Yeah, and then they come from their GINAS!

Gracie: You should have just said Jupiter.

Jack: I'm going to go get Sarah to ask ChaCha where babies come from.

Planning for my grandchildren

I don't even know how we got on the topic at dinner.

Jack: I want to only have one kid. No wait. I want to have two. But they're going to be twins. Because I only want to do it one time.

Sarah: Oh Jack, you'll change your mind one day.

Ahhhhh!!!!!

True love

Jack: I love you so much. I love you more than anything. Wait. I love you and Dad the same amount. And also tacos and Cow.

Me: You love me and Dad the same as you love tacos and Cow?
 
J: Yes and also the same as strawberries, bananas, and Kool Aid Jammers. (Pause) Because I want to be healthy.
 
Glad to know I rate up there with tacos and Kool Aid Jammers.

Well I do like whiskey

When I was growing up I had friends named Chip and Dale Pittman. Mrs. Pittman told me Chip was three months old before she realized she'd named her kids Chip and Dale, and I always thought it was crazy she didn't know she did that.

Two years ago Daniel Kincaid Yeargin, who we have always called Caid, told us he wanted to be called Daniel because according to him "Caid is not actually a name." I told him I would call him Daniel if he got other people to do it.

Well, this summer at camp he stood up with his counselor and told 200 people he was no longer to be called Caid, but Daniel. So I have agreed to try it - in spite of the fact that his father and siblings refuse.

He and Jack came with me to dinner at the conference center the other night, and I introduced them to the group: "This is Jack and Daniel... Oh my God - I named my children Jack Daniel!"

It only took me almost five years to realize I did that.

Lent

Gracie and Caid were debating what they should give up for Lent the other day. This was about eight days into Lent, mind you. Jack overheard them and piped in, "I'm going to give up monster trucks for Lent."

Me: "Oh, I guess that's a good idea."

Jack: "And xylophones."

Me: "Xylophones?"

Jack: "Yeah... because I'm too old for xylophones anyway."

Jokes by Jack

Jack: "How do you confuse a dad?"

Me: "I don't know, how?"

Jack: "You hit him with a tree."

Me: laughing

Jack: "How do you confuse a dad again?"

Me: "I don't know, how?"

Jack: "You hit him with a mackerel."

The question game with Jack

Jack just came in and sat on my lap and began asking questions...

J: "Are aliens real?"

Me: "No."

J: "Are martians real?"

Me: "No."

J: "Are robot dogs real?"

Me: "Ummm.... I don't think so."

J: "Are buttons to destroy the world real?" (What TV shows is he watching?)

Me: "No. Definitely not."

J: "Whose father will I be?"

Me: "Your child's."

J: "Whose grandfather will I be?"

Me: "When your child has a child, you'll be their grandfather."

J: "Oh, so I'll be a grandfather when my child has a child?"

Me: "That's right."

I guess that satisfied him because then he jumped down and ran off.

Y chromosomes vs X chromosomes

Tonight Sarah had a girls vs boys basketball scrimmage. It made me smile that Jack rooted for the girls' team because, "Sarah's my family!" (Caid's loyalty is with the Y chromosome.)

Conversation overheard:

Parent of boy: "S, get a layup in the next quarter, or you won't get dinner."

Parent of girl: " Yeah, K, get a layup in the next quarter or you won't get dinner either."

K: "But I already ate dinner."

Struck me as hilarious.

Also overheard after a girl fumbled the ball (can you fumble in basketball???): "She had too much lotion on her hands."

In spite of the fact that most of the girls' team has played together for three years and in that team has only lost one game, they were soundly beaten soundly by the boys (I believe the final score was 36-5 but whose keeping track?). However, on the way home Sarah, Gracie, Jack, and I all swore to Caid that the girls won in the last few minutes of the game and how could he have missed those great plays. Drove him nuts and he was thoroughly confused.